Author Archives: justanotherapostate

We do that all the time

CHURCH SPOKESMAN: “The choir’s participation continues its long tradition of performing for U.S. presidents of both parties at inaugurations and in other settings, and is not an implied support of party affiliations or politics.” –Eric Harkins, official LDS Church Spokesman, in response to criticism of the church decision to accept an invitation for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir to sing at the inauguration of President Trump. [source

PRESS RELEASE: “This performance will mark the sixth time the Mormon Tabernacle Choir has sung at an inauguration. These inaugural events include the official swearing-in ceremonies for George H. W. Bush (1989), Richard M. Nixon (1969), and Lyndon B. Johnson (1965). They performed in inaugural parades for George W. Bush (2001), George H. W. Bush (1989), and Ronald W. Reagan (1981).” –from the LDS Church’s press release about the choir’s upcoming participation in President Trump’s inauguration, 22 December 2016. [source]

QUOTE: “It’s behind us. Look, that’s behind us. Don’t worry about those little flicks of history.” –Gordon B. Hinckley, responding to Mike Wallace’s question about the church’s racist policies during a CBS News interview that originally aired 7 April 1996. [source]

COMMENTARY: The last time the Mormon Tabernacle Choir performed at the inauguration of a democratic president, it was still 13 years away from allowing black people into its priesthoods or temples. It seems to me that unless you present the church in the best possible light, even when doing so for one thing directly contradicts how the church asked to be treated for something else, Mormons are going to complain that you’re unfair. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

A church of lay leadership

QUOTE: “We are a Church of lay leadership. What a remarkable and wonderful thing that is. It must ever remain so. It must never move in the direction of an extensive paid ministry.” –Gordon B. Hinckley, in General Conference, October 2002. [source]

SCRIPTURE: “And now, if we do not receive anything for our labors in the church, what doth it profit us to labor in the church save it were to declare the truth, that we may have rejoicings in the joy of our brethren? Then why sayest thou that we preach unto this people to get gain, when thou, of thyself, knowest that we receive no gain?” –Alma 30:34-35. [source]

COMMENTARY: Oopsies! I guess the Book of Mormon isn’t a good model for modern day churches. An $80,000 a year salary, er, excuse me, living allowance, isn’t exactly “receiving no gain,” but I’m sure taxes were a lot lower in Alma’s day. Aren’t you glad so many church members scrimp on everyday essentials in order to pay their tithing so that Henry can be out preaching the word of God? I’m sure he sleeps well at night knowing that he’s helped alleviate spiritual suffering, even if it was only enabled because of the physical suffering of faithful church members. They will, after all, be duly recompensed in heaven. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Fake news since 1830

NEWS ARTICLE: “[Facebook] is being accused of abdicating its responsibility to clamp down on fake news stories and counter the echo chamber that defined this election.” –from “Facebook’s failure: did fake news and polarized politics get Trump elected?”, an article published in The Guardian, 10 November 2016. [source]

SCRIPTURE: “In or about the year A.D. 421, Moroni, the last of the Nephite prophet-historians, sealed the sacred record and hid it up unto the Lord, to be brought forth in the latter days, as predicted by the voice of God through His ancient prophets. In A.D. 1823, this same Moroni, then a resurrected personage, visited the Prophet Joseph Smith and subsequently delivered the engraved plates to him.” –from A Brief Explanation about The Book of Mormon. [source]

COMMENTARY: Apparently, people share things with their friends based on emotional impact rather than truthfulness. And once a fake news item is shared, studies have found that most people won’t stop believing a story they’ve emotionally identified with even when given information that disproves it. I suppose that’s just human nature at work, but it makes me a little sad that some people try to exploit that tendency. I’d think one of the first things we’d want to teach people is how not to be taken in by an easily disprovable lie. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Best man-made religion ever

REVELATION: “…” –the entirety of all revelations from God to his Mormon prophets published by the LDS church in this century.

COMMENTARY: LDS missionaries teach people about modern prophets having access to revelation directly from God, but the LDS church hasn’t published any such revelation since June of 1978, and even then they didn’t actually give us God’s words. If you didn’t know better, you’d almost think that maybe they were just one more man-made religion in a world full of man-made religions. But nope. Because, um, faith. Don’t believe any of those other religions. But you just gotta have faith that the LDS church is the real true not-fake-at-all religion of God. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Don’t shatter the illusion

FACTS: Santa isn’t real. Jesus doesn’t exist. Joseph Smith was a false prophet. And some people get mad at you when you say things like this.

COMMENTARY: If you want to get a child mad at you, tell her Santa isn’t real. If you want to get an adult mad at you, tell her Jesus doesn’t exist. If you want to get a Mormon mad at you, tell him Joseph Smith was a false prophet. People don’t like having the problems with their make believe stories pointed out to them before they are ready. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate who has been pointing out the problems in Mormonism’s make believe stories for the past few years.

A habit of getting it wrong

QUOTE: “The principle of plural marriage, against which the main force of the opposition was being hurled, had been a divine institution from before the foundation of the world. There had been some talk about President Taylor issuing a revelation abolishing that system of marriage. When a revelation of that kind is given it will be when the Lord has no use for the Latter-day Saints, and this will never transpire, for He has promised to give them the kingdom and to sustain them.” –Elder John W. Taylor of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, in a talk in General Conference, 5 April 1885, as summarized in an article in the Deseret News, 8 April 1885. [source]

SCRIPTURE: “After receiving revelation, President Wilford Woodruff issued the following Manifesto, which was accepted by the Church as authoritative and binding on October 6, 1890. This led to the end of the practice of plural marriage in the Church.” –from the introduction to Official Declaration 1, Doctrine and Covenants. [source]

COMMENTARY: Today marks the one year anniversary since LDS church leaders issued a policy change to the secret church handbook of instructions indicating that gay marriage was an act of apostasy, that children of gay parents could not be blessed or baptized or advanced in the priesthood, and that if they wanted to join the church later in life they had to first disavow their parents’ choices. I just thought it would be nice to point out the historical precedent that when church leaders explained god’s will on the subject of sexuality and marriage in the past, it turns out that they often got things exactly wrong. God is bigger, more loving, and more inclusive than the small-minded men who lead the LDS church. He loves all of his children, and he supports their decision to marry the person they want to marry, regardless of gender. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Do you have greater trust in a lawyer or a prophet?

PROPHECY: “The prosecuting attorney was quite mistaken in saying … he ‘would predict that a new revelation would soon follow, changing the divine law of celestial marriage.’ Whatever fame Mr. Bierbower may have secured as a lawyer, he certainly will fail as a prophet. The severest persecutions have never been followed by revelations changing a divine law, obedience to which brought imprisonment or martyrdom. Though I go to prison, God will not change his law of celestial marriage. But the man, the people, the nation, that oppose and fight against this doctrine and the Church of God, will be overthrown.” –Lorenzo Snow, reading a statement at his sentencing hearing after being convicted for unlawful cohabitation, 16 January 1886. The Historical Record, vol 6 pg 144. [source]

SCRIPTURE: “After receiving revelation, President Wilford Woodruff issued the following Manifesto, which was accepted by the Church as authoritative and binding on October 6, 1890. This led to the end of the practice of plural marriage in the Church.” –from the introduction to Official Declaration 1, Doctrine and Covenants. [source]

COMMENTARY: Who do you bet on when a lawyer and a prophet of God both make contradictory predictions on the same topic? And if you are a Mormon, how do you justify the fact that the lawyer made the more accurate prediction and your prophet failed in two prophecies in a single statement? I think a sensible conclusion is that the prophet isn’t really a prophet at all. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

God keeps his prophets busy

SCRIPTURE: “Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets.” –Amos 3:7. [source]

COMMENTARY: If you are a Mormon and you believe the Bible, then you either must believe that your prayers go unanswered or that God’s prophets are kept busy with the same mind-numbing litany of requests you weary God with. It’s no wonder God doesn’t have time to cure world hunger, inspire world peace, or give his prophets new revelation on homosexuality or women in the priesthood. If I were the prophet and had to listen all day to the worldly, short-term, materialistic, honey-do tasks God busies himself with, I guess I might feel inspired to build a multibillion-dollar shopping center, too. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Evil desires … granted

SCRIPTURE: “Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” –Psalms 37:4. [source]

SCRIPTURE: “For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.” –Matthew 15:19. [source]

COMMENTARY: I don’t personally believe that religion is the root of all evil, but if we take the Bible at its word, then it’s clear that religious people are blessed by God to have their evil desires. And if you want to claim I’m reading the Bible wrong, then you’re admitting that the Bible can’t be taken at its word, and that we have to use morals outside of the Bible to determine the morals the Bible is teaching us. In my opinion, we should just cut out the middle man and use the morals we already have without trying to filter them through a book filled with God-sanctioned genocide, rape, slavery, and war. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Warm fuzzy testimonies

QUOTE: “I offer, as a friend and as an Apostle, my witness. He lives! Some may ask, how can I know this for myself? We know He lives because we believe the testimonies of His ancient and living prophets, and we have felt God’s Spirit confirm that the testimonies of these prophets are true.” –Robert D. Hales, in General Conference, October 2009. [source]

COMMENTARY: So let me be sure I’ve got this straight. Other people say words. Then we get all happy when we hear those words. So we know the words are true. Then we say the words, too. And other people feel happy. So they know the words are true. And so it goes from generation to generation. But all anybody ever has are words and happy feelings? Nobody has actually found out for themselves that the words are objectively true? Jesus hasn’t appeared to any of the currently living prophets. It kinda makes me wonder why. Maybe Jesus is so busy up in heaven that he can’t spare a moment to go say hi to the only people qualified to speak for him on the earth during its final days when the forces of evil are mounting their fiercest attack. Or maybe it takes a lot of energy out of him to put on the whole spectacle these days and he’s just tired of it. Or perhaps he’s just so super pleased that the prophets have kept up their discrimination against women and gays that he’s all, “Nah, you’ve got this.” Because certainly it couldn’t be that he simply doesn’t exist. I mean, that would be so silly. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Lying on taxes

SCRIPTURE: “Jesus answered and said unto them, Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up. Then said the Jews, Forty and six years was this temple in building, and wilt thou rear it up in three days? But he spake of the temple of his body. When therefore he was risen from the dead, his disciples remembered that he had said this unto them; and they believed the scripture, and the word which Jesus had said.” –John 2:19-22. [source]

COMMENTARY: Much is made in Christendom of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus, despite the rather obvious logical problems with the story. But hey, as long as we are going to suspend disbelief about the rest of the Christianity myth, who cares about details like the ability of an immortal god to die or resurrect, let alone the idea that a deity brilliant enough to conceive and command all of creation has trouble with simple math. I mean, just as long as you can feel his love in your heart, the rest of it just has to be true, right? If you’re Christian, I guess the important thing is to have faith, not critical thinking skills. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

You worship an immoral god

SCRIPTURE: “And Ammon said: Yea, and he looketh down upon all the children of men; and he knows all the thoughts and intents of the heart; for by his hand were they all created from the beginning.” –Alma 18:32. [source]

COMMENTARY: If you are Christian, you worship an immoral god. Jesus and his dad constantly do things that would be considered immoral if done by mortals. They stand idly by while children are abused physically, mentally, and sexually. They spy on people in locker rooms, showers, and bedrooms. They watch people get raped and murdered and don’t lift a finger to help. They have pertinent information in important police investigations yet never call in. They are aware a building is about to collapse, yet never warn a single person. In many of these instances, if a human did the same things these two do, that human would be reprimanded, ostracized, or even jailed. Yet people continue to claim that Jesus and his dad are perfect. That’s a really fun double standard. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Know the truth of all things

QUOTE: “From the pages of the Book of Mormon comes Moroni’s promise that through prayer, real intent, and faith in Christ, we may know the truth of these promises ‘by the power of the Holy Ghost.’ With other latter-day prophets, I testify of the truthfulness of this ‘most correct of any book on earth,’ even the Book of Mormon, another testament of Jesus Christ. Its message spans the earth and brings its readers to a knowledge of the truth. It is my testimony that the Book of Mormon changes lives. May each of us read it and reread it. And may we joyfully share our testimonies of its precious promises with all of God’s children.” –Thomas S. Monson, First Presidency Message: Precious Promises of the Book of Mormon, Liahona, October 2011. [source]

COMMENTARY: If you are taking a history test in school and don’t know the answer, just pray, because by the power of the Holy Ghost you may know the truth of all things. Oh. You still got the answer wrong? Well, maybe the Holy Ghost forgot to study history, too. But while the Holy Ghost may be a little rusty on history, Google seems to come up with the correct answer rather quickly. Just don’t search Google for Book of Mormon anachronisms. The Holy Ghost is sure to flee from that evil information. And then how will you know what information is historically accurate? I think your best bet is to leave studying to people of little faith and simply embrace prayer as your path to knowledge. That approach has served humans for hundreds of thousands of years and it has verified the truthfulness of thousands of different religions. Your ancestors didn’t need Google, and you don’t either. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Mormon and gay

FACT: The LDS Church recently launched a new website

COMMENTARY: If you are both gay and Mormon, you’re going to have a hard life. Guess what, though? It’s possible to change one of the two. Watching a few of the videos on the new website, its obvious that church leaders expect gay Mormons to be miserable in this life so that they can have blessings in the next life. Which is totally cool, if you believe that you’ll have another life after this one, and if you don’t care that the gospel is supposed to be a message of happiness for mortality as well. If following God’s perfect plan for you doesn’t bring you joy during your time in this life, are you really sure you want to try to live it forever? Here’s the truth: you’re just fine the way you are. You aren’t broken. You don’t have to fix your sexual orientation. If you leave the Mormon church you’ll discover there is plenty of joy in store for you in this life as well, and God loves you and supports you in your desires for affection, acceptance, and love. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Prophecy or prejudice?

QUOTE: “What is the cause of all this waste of life and treasure? To tell it in a plain, truthful way, one portion of the country wish to raise their negroes or black slaves and the other portion wish to free them, and, apparently, to almost worship them. Well, raise and worship them, who cares? I should never fight one moment about it, for the cause of human improvement is not in the least advanced by the dreadful war which now convulses our unhappy country. Ham will continue to be the servant of servants, as the Lord has decreed, until the curse is removed. Will the present struggle free the slave? No; but they are now wasting away the black race by thousands. Many of the blacks are treated worse than we treat our dumb brutes; and men will be called to judgment for the way they have treated the negro, and they will receive the condemnation of a guilty conscience, by the just Judge whose attributes are justice and truth. Treat the slaves kindly and let them live, for Ham must be the servant of servants until the curse is removed. Can you destroy the decrees of the Almighty? You cannot. Yet our Christian brethren think that they are going to overthrow the sentence of the Almighty upon the seed of Ham. They cannot do that, though they may kill them by thousands and tens of thousands.” –Brigham Young, 6 October 1863, Journal of Discourses, vol. 10 p. 250. [source]

COMMENTARY: Can someone explain why Brigham Young could have gotten this prophecy so wrong? Was he lying when he said he knew what God had decreed? Was God just kidding about the decree? Did God remove the curse of Ham in the 1860’s, and if so why was the priesthood ban still in effect until 1978? When people claim to be prophets and claim to speak for God, I think when they get their prophecies wrong, we should probably start doubting other things they say as well. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Only one wife apiece?

QUOTE: “I would not be afraid to promise a man who is sixty years of age, if he will take the counsel of brother Brigham and his brethren, that he will renew his age. I have noticed that a man who has but one wife, and is inclined to that doctrine, soon begins to wither and dry up, while a man who goes into plurality looks fresh, young, and sprightly. Why is this? Because God loves that man, and because he honors His work and word. Some of you may not believe this; but I not only believe it—I also know it. For a man of God to be confined to one woman is small business; for it is as much as we can do now to keep up under the burdens we have to carry; and I do not know what we should do if we had only one wife apiece.” –Heber C. Kimball, 6 April 1857. Journal of Discourses, vol. 5, p. 22. [source]

COMMENTARY: I love reading the words of modern prophets. They always fill me with so much gratitude and appreciation for God’s perfect plan and how I fit into it. Knowing God’s will for me in this life and the joys awaiting me in the next gives me determination to endure to the end. I’m confident as you study the words of his prophets you’ll come to the same realization. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Tell them how to vote

SCRIPTURE: “We believe that religion is instituted of God; and that men are amenable to him, and to him only, for the exercise of it, unless their religious opinions prompt them to infringe upon the rights and liberties of others.” –D&C 134:4. [source]

LETTER: “We urge Church members to let their voices be heard in opposition to measures that would legalize physician-assisted suicide.” –excerpt from a letter from the First Presidency to leaders and members in Colorado, 12 October 2016. [source]

COMMENTARY: Let’s pretend that the Mormon scriptures say that religious beliefs should be used to limit the rights of other people. And let’s pretend that Jesus said do unto others what you’re convinced is right for them regardless of their protestations to the contrary. And let’s pretend that Satan’s plan to limit agency was examined by God and deemed an all around good idea. And let’s pretend that the Mormon church values life so much that it encourages its members to protest war and refuse military service. And let’s pretend that most Mormons are so clueless they have no idea what the church’s stance is on physician-assisted suicide. And while we’re at it, let’s pretend that as a society we consider it inhumane to grant early death to suffering animals with no hope of long-term quality of life. When we pretend hard enough and long enough, then yeah, it totally makes sense that prophets of God would step into the political arena and tell church members how they should vote. When we stop pretending, though, it looks like nothing more than outright hypocrisy. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Vote like the prophet

SCRIPTURE: “We believe that religion is instituted of God; and that men are amenable to him, and to him only, for the exercise of it, unless their religious opinions prompt them to infringe upon the rights and liberties of others.” –D&C 134:4. [source]

LETTER: “We urge Church members to let their voices be heard in opposition to the legalization of recreational marijuana use.” –excerpt from a letter from the First Presidency to leaders and members in Arizona, California, and Nevada, 12 October 2016. [source]

COMMENTARY: Muslims and Jews believe eating pork is contrary to God’s commandments. Is it right for them to impose their religious taboos on the rest of us? If not, why do Mormons feel they are morally justified trying to enshrine in law their own peculiar religious beliefs, especially when their scriptures explicitly forbid it? What we have here is a large organization pretending to be a church run by a group of old men pretending to be prophets. If the LDS church can’t keep out of the political arena, maybe it’s time to enact laws that tax political organizations masquerading as churches. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Totally your fault

INSTAGRAM: “Two people, one sacrament meeting, totally opposite experiences. The difference? An attitude of worship.” –@ldschurch, the official Instagram account of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 15 October 2016. [source]

QUOTE: “True worship will transform ordinary Church meetings into extraordinary spiritual feasts. It will enrich our lives, broaden our understanding, and strengthen our testimonies.” –Dean M. Davies, First Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric, in General Conference, October 2016. [source]

COMMENTARY: When I first saw this image posted on the church’s official Instagram page, I couldn’t believe how perfectly it describes the lived Mormon experience. The Mormon church makes all sorts of amazing claims of the power of God, and then blames the members when those powers aren’t seen in reality. Is sacrament meeting boring and you can’t feel the spirit? Well, you must have a shitty attitude. Did the Holy Ghost not help you get a testimony of the Book of Mormon? You must not have tried hard enough. Do your prayers go unanswered? You need to pray harder. Did it take you a week to get over a cold even though you got a priesthood blessing? Sorry; you just didn’t have enough faith. It is true that Mormonism is both good and unique. But where it is good, it is not unique. And where it is unique, it is not good. Don’t let the Mormon church fool you. Your yearning for a connection with the divine is inherent in you. It is not something the church brings into your life. If you make a boring church meeting into a spiritual feast, that’s because you are amazing, not because the meeting was. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

If only you had read daily

QUOTE: “I am grateful for the gift of the Book of Mormon. I know that it is true! It contains the fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I am unaware of anyone who is diligently reading the Book of Mormon each day with pure intent and with faith in Christ who has lost their testimony and fallen away. Moroni’s prophetic promise carries with it the key to know the truth of all things—including having the ability to discern and avoid the deceptions of the adversary.” –K. Brett Nattress, in General Conference, October 2016. [source]

COMMENTARY: Brett, it sounds like you are accusing those who left the church of personal failings. Like maybe if we had just been more diligent, we would never have left. If we had only been more obedient, all the lies in your church would suddenly have been true. If we had only been sincere in our reading, the Nephites would have really existed, Joseph Smith wouldn’t have coerced young women into marrying him, and the church wouldn’t have engaged in over a century of racism. But maybe you’re just trying to be tricky. I noticed the verb tense shift in your statement. No one who is reading … has lost their testimony. And yes, of course. Once we have learned the truth, why would we keep reading a book we know is nineteenth century fiction, and not even very compelling fiction at that? In any event, Brett, congratulations. You just added one more concrete example of your church using cult-like tactics by trying to tarnish the reputation of those who have left. If you want people to think your church is a cult, that’s the way to do it. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Cling to your indoctrination

QUOTE: “So before you make that spiritually perilous choice to leave, I encourage you to stop and think carefully before giving up whatever it was that brought you to your testimony of the restored Church of Jesus Christ in the first place. Stop and think about what you have felt here and why you felt it. Think about the times when the Holy Ghost has borne witness to you of eternal truth.” –M. Russell Ballard, in General Conference, October 2016. [source]

COMMENTARY: When the vast majority of your members were born in the church and learned to believe that the church was true because they were constantly subjected to that message in their formative years, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to tell them to cling to the thing that most influenced them to believe in the church. Well, I take that back. Such a plea is probably effective. It’s just not intellectually honest. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

I’m thinking of a number

Number of prophets, seers, and revelators who spoke: 15.
Number of prophecies made: 0.
Number of ancient texts translated: 0.
Number of new revelations published: 0.
Number of people surprised by these stats: 0.
[see for yourself]

COMMENTARY: Another conference, another opportunity squandered for these so-called prophets to actually do something prophetic. But when you’ve trained your members to fawn over you no matter what you say, why bother even pretending anymore? Apparently the important thing is to present gospel-sounding aphorisms in a short and catchy way so the members can make internet memes with your name on them. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

You can’t leave me!

QUOTE: “If you choose to leave the restored Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, where will you go? What will you do?” –M. Russell Ballard, in General Conference, October 2016. (Full text of the talk is not yet available online, but likely soon will be.)

COMMENTARY: As is the case in any abusive relationship, Elder Ballard, it really doesn’t matter what the abused person does once she leaves the relationship. The important thing is that she leave the relationship. The truth is, the church doesn’t give people anything of value that they can’t get somewhere else. The truth is, it’s not the people who leave who will lose something irreplaceable; it’s the leaders who will lose power and control over the members who leave. The truth is, Elder Ballard, that we’re not leaving for any of the pretend reasons you stated in your talk. Your words might scare some members into staying, but the truth is that members are finding out the truth, and they are leaving because you don’t have it. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Where were Book of Mormon cities?

JOSEPH SMITH HISTORY: “He called me by name, and said unto me that he was a messenger sent from the presence of God to me, and that his name was Moroni; that God had a work for me to do; … He said there was a book deposited, written upon gold plates, giving an account of the former inhabitants of this continent, and the source from whence they sprang.” –Joseph Smith, History, verses 33-34. [source]

COMMENTARY: One fascinating difference between history and fiction is that events described in history actually took place at a specific physical location on this planet. Yet you want me to believe that your Book of Mormon, which purports to describe peoples who numbered well into the millions, over a time period exceeding 1000 years, is factually true when you have yet to constrain even a single event it describes on this continent to a particular piece of dirt it supposedly happened on? I may have been born at night, but it certainly wasn’t last night. Here’s a pro tip, kids: truth leaves evidence. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Clueless angel Moroni

JOSEPH SMITH HISTORY: “He called me by name, and said unto me that he was a messenger sent from the presence of God to me, and that his name was Moroni; that God had a work for me to do; and that my name should be had for good and evil among all nations, kindreds, and tongues, or that it should be both good and evil spoken of among all people. He said there was a book deposited, written upon gold plates, giving an account of the former inhabitants of this continent, and the source from whence they sprang.” –Joseph Smith, History, verses 33-34. [source]

CHURCH ESSAY: “The evidence assembled to date suggests that the majority of Native Americans carry largely Asian DNA. Scientists theorize that in an era that predated Book of Mormon accounts, a relatively small group of people migrated from northeast Asia to the Americas by way of a land bridge that connected Siberia to Alaska. These people, scientists say, spread rapidly to fill North and South America and were likely the primary ancestors of modern American Indians.” –Book of Mormon and DNA Studies, Gospel Topics, [source]

COMMENTARY: Mormonism was false before it ever started, but in Joseph Smith’s day nobody knew where the Native Americans came from. It took a while before scientists would figure out that the indigenous populations of the Americas all came from Asia across the Siberian land bridge. Now that we know it, though, you have a choice to make. You can continue to be a science denier, or you can admit that, while perhaps at best a beautiful story, Joseph’s explanation of the origins of Native Americans is nothing more than religious myth. And here’s a pro tip for the future: if an angel from God doesn’t know what he’s talking about, he probably isn’t really an angel from God. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Prophet is a title

SUSTAINED: Thomas S. Monson was first sustained as a prophet on 4 October 1963. [source] Since that time, he has failed to utter even a single prophecy.

COMMENTARY: If in fifty-three years of being a “prophet” Thomas S. Monson has produced exactly zero prophecies, perhaps it’s time to admit that he isn’t really a prophet after all. Or admit that the word prophet is just a fancy title intended only to impress people. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Super excited for conference!

QUESTION: When was the last time a “prophet, seer, and revelator” stood up in conference and actually prophesied, saw, or revealed anything? If you can’t think of an example of this, either, then why are you pretending to be excited to listen to boring old men spend ten hours rehashing the same boring old topics you heard in previous conferences?

COMMENTARY: It’s my personal opinion that these “prophets” don’t prophesy because they know deep down that they’ll get it wrong if they do. These “seers” don’t actually see anything more than you or I. These “revelators” don’t reveal divine doctrine because they’ve been proven wrong too many times in the past. I think it’s well past time for members to stop and think rather than simply continue to pray, pay, and obey. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.

Excited for no prophecies

QUESTION: Quick. What are the top three prophecies Thomas S. Monson has made? Um. Can’t think of three? Okay. How about just one? No? Hm. Why do you call him a prophet, then?

COMMENTARY: In the Mormon church, the word “prophet” has become titular rather than descriptive. Most Mormons have never even noticed that, let alone asked themselves if they are okay with it. But that’s okay. You’re not supposed to think about things too hard. Just keep going to church, paying your tithing, and telling your friends how much you love conference, and you’ll fit in just fine. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.