SUMMARY: Scientologists have their Galactic Overlord Xenu, and Mormons have their Elohim who lives on a planet in the Kolob star system. According to Mormon temple rites, Elohim commanded two of his spirit sons, Jehovah and Michael, to create the world, which they did. But he didn’t trust them with the important task of creating humans, so he left his place in the Kolob star system and accompanied them to the Shinehah star system, fashioned the first man out of dust, and then breathed the spirit of Michael into the lungs of the golem. It was apparently a traumatic enough experience for Michael that he forgot everything (except how to talk and walk and etc.) and became like a little child, so naturally Elohim and Jehovah began calling him Adam from that point on. One major surgery later Eve appears—no spirit-huffing required in her case, apparently—and the rest, as they say, is history. Or mythology, rather.
COMMENTARY: You can’t make this shit up. Unless your name is L. Ron Hubbard or Joseph Smith Jr. But what do I know? I’m just another apostate.
